(Side note: Guess who’s computer got wiped completely clean again? Yep, that’s right. Mine. Damn virus.)
I lost a very very good friend in a tragic car accident about 5 and a half years ago. I’m not going to go into details; I still get angry thinking about it. They say forgiveness is good for you, that it is beneficial to your health. But there’s a difference between forgiving someone who betrayed you and forgiving the person who killed one of your best friends. I can say “I forgive” all I want, but at night when I’m alone and frantic, the anger swells through me and I feel the touches of hatred seeping through my soul. It takes longer to forgive all of this, but this is for a different entry, one that may never be posted as I get wound up just thinking about all this.
I only bring it up as it puts my thoughts on mortality into perspective: I may be 24, but that does not mean I never go to bed wondering: What if I don’t wake up, or get in a car wondering: What if that car slams into us? I don’t tense like I used to, but it’s all still there. Truth be told, I think of mortality an awful lot.
And sometimes, I worry I won’t get everything done I want, and that includes reading all the books I want.
I find myself in a great panic.
Is it a wonder I am drawn to the paranormal, to the thoughts of an afterlife as a way to comfort myself?
I was at Half-Price Books just before Thanksgiving as they had sent coupons in the mail to us. I went in for one book: I was doing really really well until I found their paranormal book selection. I bought three, one of which was The Complete Book of Ghosts: A Fascinating Exploration of the Spirit World From Apparitions to Haunted Places by Paul Roland. Unlike other paranormal books that tell stories and legends but never enough to satisfy the wanting of knowledge that Ikkalee feels, this book took the idea of paranormal existence from a more reporting point of view. It basically showed the evolution of how our society’s current beliefs in the paranormal came about. And yes, it was really interesting.
And yes, I refused to read it after 3 am.
Some of the information passed on in truth as the book later proved to be potentially false, but I figured the book was meant to be read like you believed in the Paranormal anyway; it wasn’t trying to convince you of its existence. It just wanted to explain.
All of my paranormal books, tv shows, and experiences– did you know there’s an iPhone app called Ghost Radar? Had way too much fun with it one day to the point where a coincidence happened that caused both me and my friend’s mom to jump– mix together until I cannot always keep them straight. I know I learned a lot from the book; I just can’t remember what. But I quite enjoyed that it started in ancient times– Ancient Egyptian culture = Fascinating. I use to tell people I wanted to be mummified– and even included Biblical stories of potential paranormal activity.
The belief in ghosts is nothing new. Many people have had afterlife experiences. And yet, Ikkalee still begins to panic as the thought of death grows near. She can’t even take the humor of people pretending to be dead, anymore.
